How to run a scam guarantee agency?

This is theoretical of course. But If I was to set up a retrofit insulation guarantee agency which served the needs of the industry over those of the consumers then here is what I would do:


  1.  Set a budget for the year regarding how much money can be spent on settling claims - clearly we have to be seen to offer some compensation.
  2.  Add retrospective clauses to old contracts and claim that 'independent arbitration' has proved that these are valid *
  3. Respond and shut down claims as soon as possible so that response time obligations can be met and presented to any government organisation that might scrutinise us.
  4. Send unqualified inspectors around to look for evidence of condensation or maintenance on the house and blame all the problems on the owner. Inspectors must not look for any evidence of poor installation and if they do find any must not mention them in the report.
  5. When claimant complains about poor/incomplete inspection. Rather than address technical questions, declare an impasse and point them immediately to arbitration by claiming that a completely independent review is available - can't say fairer than that. By declaring an impasse there is no need to answer those tricky technical questions!
  6. Put onus on customer to pay £120 arbitration fee + £100s of pounds to get a proper survey to prove that the insulation was at fault - the hope being that most claimants will not want to throw good money after bad and abandon the claim.
  7. If it gets to arbitration then it's all confidential so any criticisms of inadequate technical inspections are not published for scrutinising organisations to see.
  8. Ensure that even if a customer is awarded damages under arbitration then all the work has to be done by a company nominated by us which could be owned by one of our directors. This is genius because even when we lose a claim, it is really a win because it's a way of transferring money from the 'not for profit' guarantee agency into a profit making company.
  9. If a concerned MP or other official gets in touch then keep peddling the line that there is a robust claims process with independent review by arbitration and the claimant is welcome to follow that path (see above)

* (despite this not being a legal ruling and a complete violation of the arbitration confidentiality).


It's absolutely genius and the beauty is that this model can be applied to any part of the construction/retrofit industry because regulation is soo piss poor!. I should patent this model....I just need to make sure there is no prior art.

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